What you do is really hard. Growing and leading businesses is amongst the most stressful occupations a person can choose. Stressful on a normal day. Extraordinarily successful on others.

It would be great if we were apex stress managers. Stuffing our stress in our laptop bags and effortlessly setting it down on our way into the house after a long day of work.

But we are not.

Like the smell of smoke from a fire, the stress from work clings to you even after getting distance from the blaze. Lingering, strongly, and stubbornly.

So you step into the house and the kids are thrilled to see you. Your body language and verbal response does not reciprocate their excitement… Your spouse is stressed too, needing a break, and the kids are shuffled in your direction. Overwhelm from work quickly compounded by overwhelm at home.

For many of us, this is a too familiar scene.

Not one that we are proud of, but one we feel powerless to escape. I’m sorry if you feel stuck in the cycle. That really sucks. The good news is that there is a way out.

Here are three steps, which you can do in less than three minutes, to walk into your house as a better version of yourself when the work stress is maxed out.

Step One. This Is How You Get Control

The special forces have a tool called tactical breathing. In other circles, it’s called box breathing. When the overwhelm is high, the heart is pounding, you feel on high alert, and you are stuck in fight-or-flight mode this tool can get you out. It is one of the ways special forces, emergency medical technicians, and others in high-stress occupations calm themselves and regain control. It goes like this:

1. Breath in for four seconds
2. Hold your break for four seconds
3. Breath out for four seconds
4. Hold your breath for four seconds
5. Repeat four times

I find that in one trip through that cycle, I can feel my heart rate drop. My anxiety will subside just a bit. As you continue the cycle, you can feel yourself pushing your stress out of the driver’s seat while you slide back behind the wheel.

Step Two. This Is How You Reframe

Use a mantra. My girlfriend gifted me a challenge coin that says, “Memento Mori,” meaning “Remember, death.” It sounds morbid, but it’s not. The coin reminds me that we have no promises in life. Death can take us at any time. We may not make it through the year or the week. The same is true for our spouses and children.

To me, that becomes an invitation to be present. To remind myself that my work problem feels big, but in a different context, this problem becomes small. As they say, you have many problems until you have a major health problem.

Then you have one problem.

In some distant horizon, one year or two years, you won’t really remember the stress of this moment. The stress comes from an important place, but not so important that it’s worth sacrificing the connection that would be the only thing you’d value if your life were turned upside down. Find something quick and simple to remind yourself of this truth.

There are a million to choose from.

• Amor Fati (Love your fate)
• This, too, is life (Life has the highs and the lows)
• Bent but not broken (Flexibility in the face of stress)
• The obstacle is the way (The problem is part of the process, not a detour)
• Etc

Choose one that works for you. Create a reminder: your laptop desktop, a sticker, a Post-It, a challenge coin, or something physical to keep it coming back mentally.

Step Three: This is How You Walk In Differently

Don’t pull into the garage, shut off the engine, stressed to the max, and barge directly into the house with an emotional chaos tornado in your wake. As they say, fools rush in.

You’ve taken a breath. You’ve tried to get some perspective.

Now, you set an intention.

Think about the person your kids and spouse want to see walk through that door. Decide to be more like that guy and less like the maniac who just pulled up to the house.

Setting the intention is powerful. It helps me feel like I’m making a transition. Changing roles.

One hat is coming off, and another is going on. Doing this helps me connect more with my values, be lighter and more playful with the kids, and disconnect from the heavy emotional thing I was towing home.

The truth is that not disconnecting from that heavy thing means you will tow it inside with you. Its presence will take up mental and emotional space not just for you but for the rest of the family.

Give yourself and the rest of the family the gift of showing up as a more complete version of yourself — without bringing emotional visitors inside with you.

Small discipline. Simple change. Big results.

***

Like this article? Join my list for a free weekly newsletter with articles, insights, and tips on how to build a better version of yourself.

***

This article was originally published on Medium in the publication Career Paths.